TDU495 Part 1

ALWAYS READ THE UPDATE VERSION NUMBER BEFORE UPDATING. I guess I should explain why now. I was playing my copy of Test Drive Unlimited 2 one Saturday at about 12:00 when I got bored and hungry, so I entered a mansion in the game to trigger the auto save and turned off the system to make lunch. I can't remember when I turned the game back on because of the shock I got later. When I started up the game, it said there was a update, it said it was version "495". I know nothing about version numbers, so I did think it was weird to be so big, but chose to do the update anyway. Big mistake. Strangely also the update only took 3 seconds. When the game loaded up, everything was normal, other than on the screen where it says the driving isn't totally realistic, in which the Austin Martin it normally shows was wrecked as if in an awful crash, and had blood on the window. I already knew I was gonna have a long afternoon. When the title screen came up it said "pRe$$ X, !f U dAre…" as opposed to "Press Start". And the SUV it normally shows looked like the Austin Martin, the sky was blood red with dark clouds, like when you beat inFAMOUS on the bad side, and it was raining blood instead of rain. The music also appeared to be playing backwards, in a lower tone. I pressed X. It then said something like "w0ulD U liKe 2 plaY oNLinE, oTherS wiLL gEt 2 495 WitH U. X-Yes O-No" where it normally says something like "Would you like to play online. To use all the available features you must play online. X-Yes O-No" and I selected no. I got confused by the "oTherS will gEt 2 495 witH U." so I thought about it and 4 = D, 9 = I, and 5 = E in the alphabet, so it said die. At least nobody else will die with me. When it loaded me in one of my mansions, my character had his face down looking at his reflection in the floor, which I couldn't see. He had changed from his black and red Sports Activewear clothes into his outlaw clothes, minus the pirate bandana and eye patch. Then it put me in first-person view and was looking straight ahead even though my character was looking down and I saw all the books were on the floor with pages ripped out, and half of the second floor inside balcony had fallen on them, and the stature was missing its head. My TV said TDU495. I turned around my character and saw the pool was red with an upside-down Buggy V8 in it, actually, MY Buggy V8. I decided to change, or try to, in my walk in closet, but a text box said "soMeoNe dRove yOur hummer tHrouGh iT, So U cant eNter". I went to the garage entrance, but it said "…" then changed to "DeaD bodies bLocK thE eNtranCe…".  I went out to the pool area and saw the short fence that normally keeps me in was missing. Outside at my garage where my cars come out of was five of my cars, my Ariel Atom V8 (no tires), my Bugatti Veyron (no chassy), my Pagani Zonda (no steering wheel), my…Rhino Tank? From GTA? Weird.  And my VW Beetle (no front end) so I took the tank, I might need it, and it's the only thing I can drive. When the game puts me in the tank on the road, I discover the horn is the gun. Before I see something to shoot or scare me, my tank goes sliding sideways, and I see a Hummer doing a glitch on me that I discovered, and slide into a hole that I didn't see with the Hummer, which exploded upon contact with me like the tank does in GTA. I notice three things 1) The hole is a grave yard below ground with GHOSTS from Pokémon (?) floating around 2) The tank is covered with blood 3) The Hummer is on my tank with a body impaled by the bloody windshield. The GHOSTS start floating towards me and my tank, each GHOST carrying a bloody character from another game, Ash, Ratchet, Pac-Man, (good) Cole McGrath, Raiden, Banjo and Kazooie, Sonic, Mario, Robot Chicken (?), and more. Somehow I take them all out with one shot. All but one, carrying Spyro. Spyro is somehow still alive but gets ripped in two and thrown at my tank, and he for some reason explodes like a car against my tank, but with a bigger, bloodier explosion then the Hummer. With smoke, and emerging from the smoke is GHO…Kratos!? From God Of War!? What the F*** is this!? He also looks like a zombie, i.e. bloody, guts and bones showing, desaturated, top of his head is missing, and he stabs the top of my tank with both of his swor…lightsabers? Now I'm laughing, this isn't scary. But he splits my tank in two and the camera goes to my character, head still down, and not first-person, but I still make him run, but backwards so I can try to avoid Krat…Dr. Nefarious? Now this is just stupid. But his classic maniacal laughter leading to his classic malfunction of playing Lance & Janice makes me laugh again, when I notice Kratos has exploded on my character, which makes me feel sick. And I see another tank driving towards me, but it's slow enough that I make to a random ca…Shadow the Hedgehog's motorcycle? Well it's faster than a lot of vehicles in the game and I manage to take off before the Rhin…Evil Cynder? Now I'm not surprised any more, it seems like this hack is hacked. Then I notice as I'm racing away from Cynder that it's been raining blood this whole time, and now there is like three inches of blood floods, so I have almost no control of the bike when it comes to turning, stopping, going, so I dump it, but it causes Cynder to fly into a building, the bike explodes, and I slide into the wall, and I notice I can turn the camera faster than normal so take a quick look around and go to the full island map. Hawaii. Once a paradice. Now. Now it's a crossover nightmare. I see that I don't have any money, because I'm walking it has nothing where the car stuff appears. When I highlight a house on the other end of the island it says I can't jump there, can't GPS it, and can't bookmark it. When I go over to friends, it shows me the characters on the island, moving, in my direction, slowly, all of them, accept one, I highlight it and it says it's name is "Hope". My only chance. But as soon as I leave the info screen for " Hope", it disappears. Everyone else gets a mile closer. I'm surrounded. I pause. Go over to progress. Discovery. Level: 1/1000. Collection. Level: 0/10. Competition. Level 0/1. Social. Level: 100,000/1. I unpause. I try to GPS the airport, it works! And everyone is another mile closer. But "Hope" has reappeared at the airport. The only problems, it's 50 miles away, I don't have a vehicle, I can't protect myself, Violet & Charon & Tails Doll surround "Hope", and my controller just died.